clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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