Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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