I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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