ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
