upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
