One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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