People with herpes should wear stickers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
