foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
this hospital has no fireball
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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