the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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