When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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