There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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