My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
