Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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