Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
