Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
