i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
