It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
