You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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