I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
