I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm really busy with my period
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