I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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