Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
