Swine flu is the new snow day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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