I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
