I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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