Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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