WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
