she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
