Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
