Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
