her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
