the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
