I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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