I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im holly from the hills drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
