Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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