dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I faked an abortion last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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