I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
