i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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