I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
