I puked a lego.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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