Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
