Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
