I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
