I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
