Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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