How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
