I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
