Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
