I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
