Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
